Use these four sales techniques to get deals done–or piss people off along the way.

1. Call someone by the wrong name on purpose: This one has worked for me a few times. If you are really having trouble getting someone to respond to you, call him or her by a totally different name, and try to make it completely strange. For instance, let’s say you are trying to get Mary, the VP of Marketing, to return your call or email. Your first sentence should be, “Hi Smithsonian, I have been trying to get a hold of you for a while now.” Sometimes this will make her laugh or get her angry; either way, you will get a rise out of her and she might write you back just to find out what the hell you are thinking. What have you got to lose? She hasn’t responded to any of your other emails.

2. Send the wrong proposal: Once in a while, if I feel I am going to run into a price issue with a customer, I will send a proposal that is much more expensive than he would expect. I will wait until he looks at it and says, “Wow, this is way more than I expected.” I will say, “Really, I thought I gave you a good price.” I will then admit that I had sent the wrong one. When he gets the new, lowered proposal, he will be happy that it is a lot less and will psychologically be happier with my price. And once in a rare while, someone doesn’t blink at the more expensive proposal.

3. Act like you are going be in town: Sometimes it just makes sense to get a face–to-face. I know my close ratio goes way up when I can meet someone in person. The next time you are trying to get a deal done and know you should meet in person, drop your prospect a line that you are going to be in town tomorrow and have some time in the morning if he is free. Then if he says yes, get online as fast as you can and book your ticket. Just hope the flights aren’t sold out!

4. Cancel your meeting in Outlook: I love sending prospects meeting requests via Outlook. They accept the meeting and it gets added to the calendar. You can set up an alarm well in advance so it will pop up and remind them about your meeting. If they use Exchange and have a Blackberry, they will be notified anywhere they are. You can also use this to your advantage. If you really want to know how much a prospect cares about getting a demo or learning more about your company, just go ahead and delete the meeting and send a cancellation notice. The faster they respond, the more you know they are really looking forward to meeting you. But don’t wait too long if you do not get a response. I would wait a day, then follow up with them and tell them you are sorry but it was cancelled accidentally. This is also a great way of qualifying them again to make sure they will make your meeting on time.

These techniques aren’t for just anyone. Like a comedian, you need timing to pull these off. You need to know who you are dealing with and only use these when you know you can’t fail. I have personally closed deals using each one of these techniques before, but I figure I have also lost deals (with #1 and #2).

Good luck meeting your quota!